Dunkin’ Donuts Is Changing Its Name

Dunkin’ Donuts is right re-auditing their brand. And they figured the change should start with their name by dropping the “donuts”. The move apparently is informed by the company’s eager dissociation from donuts to shift their focus more on caffeinated beverages. A weird move, I think, because the brand has long been plagued by the dubbing, “poor man’s Starbucks”.

So. That’s right. In the very near future, you’ll probably not see any double-Ds anymore but just a single one. Here’s what the future holds for us.

Dunkin’s decision to rebrand, of course, isn’t wholly bad; in fact, it’s welcome. However, we have better ideas than simply dropping the very word that propelled the brand to doughnut stardom. If we’re tracking the same path, here…why not just change it to:

Munchkinks

Has tremendous sex appeal, Dunkin’ will finally regain some bite.

Butter Nutters

Definitely sounds more upscale. Has the potential to trump Starbucks, which brings me to…

Not Starbucks

Because you saw this joke coming from miles.

Missus Donuts 

Because Mister Donuts is a lonely “bro-flake”.

Dunkin’ Do Nots 

Counter-brand to Oreos. Milk is for cereals. And coffee. Never cookies.

Just The D.

On-course with their current rebranding strategy, but you know, quirkier.

One thing’s for sure, though: Choco Butternut is the best thing even Starbucks’ uber-expensive pastries couldn’t top. I will fight anyone who dares contest this scientific fact.